Support comes in many forms!
This picture is of me releasing my grip from the trapeze, flying through the air to be caught by Benjamin (the catcher for the day). You can see the ropes from my belt that attach to a rope held and controlled by a circus team member on the ground. Below me is a huge huge net to which I will fall when Benjamin releases me. From there I will make my way to the edge of the net (crawl probably) and hop onto the ground, my face alight with a smile as the feeling running through my body carries that wonderful sense of freedom that I get every time I jump.
The first time I tried the trapeze this year was after a couple of years break. I was with Tikki’s team (a beautiful team). I was hearing all sorts of dispiriting comments from my inner critic about how I was not young enough, not strong enough and that it was ridiculous to be trying it. The first position they gave me, knee hang, everyone’s first and one that I have done many times before eluded me. I just couldn’t get my knees up quick enough and tight enough through the space between my shoulders and the bar. This, of course, just confirmed how insightful my critic was. Unbeknownst to myself my feeling that I was wasting their time was clearly visible from my apologetic attitude. I couldn't hear their encouraging words. Luckily they wouldn’t let me give up. They gave me a new technique to reach the same result. My resolve for success dwindling, I climbed the ladder one more time. Margaux, a beautifully sweet French young woman (also outrageously strong and graceful) was on the platform waiting for me. I must have apologised one more time because she smiled and told me I was too hard on myself. “Too hard on myself.” I heard her, thankfully, through the noise of my own thoughts and it was all I needed to hear. It gave me the clarity I needed (and the new technique) to find joy in the experience. Who cares about whether I got it (I did!) but I stopped giving myself a hard time and just let go. I tried new position after new position and went on to the next circus team who taught me more, supported me more both through encouragement and literally catching me when I was falling.
This is enough writing for today but just to say all of this was a beautiful lesson for me that support comes in many forms, from many people. People who want you to succeed and are there to support that success. But also there’s all the support that has led to this point in the form of teachers, yoga classes, somatic lessons and my own practice, my own effort to find strength and flexibility, where freedom in movement is a real intention and for sure, the trapeze is freedom in movement.
My favourite part is that I went from thinking that I was too old for this to thinking “Holy shit, check me out, I’m 47 and look what I am doing!”